Categorized as: Funny Parenting Stories

5 Things I love about you TODAY.

5 Things I love about you TODAY.

“Today you are You, that’s truer than true. There is no one alive that’s Youer than You.” Very wise words by Dr. Seuss. I had a moment the other day. A friend and I were discussing the twins language skills and vocabulary, she asked which words Charlie had been able to say at the same age and a terrible realisation hit me… I couldn’t remember. I had been given so many of those “my first year” milestone diaries and I had not used a single one. As feelings of guilt swirled inside me I grasped  for things I did remember? First tooth: 4 months, first word: “mum” (of course), walking: 12 months. Although I could pull a few “charlie facts” out of my overtired brain the “I can’t remember list” was far longer. In all honesty this made me kind of sad, as if my not remembering cast some kind of dark shadow of insignificance over these moments which at the time had been so magical. I didn’t want Charlie to one day ask, “mum, how old was I when I…..?” and for me to draw a blank. I want my kids to know that every little milestone, every phase (good or bad) is noticed and cared about. In fact I believe it’s not the milestones that matter but the seemingly insignificant moments that mean the most 10-20-50 years down the track. So here is the plan:

5 things I love about you TODAY!

I am setting an alarm in my phone so that once a month I record 5 things I love (or love/hate- like poo) about each child on that day.

Here is todays list:

Charlie:

  1. I love the way you randomly tell me: “Mum, I love you all day.” It melts my heart.
  2. I love the way you frown, pat your belly and say: “My tummy is so sore, it needs a lolly.”
  3. I love your new cranky face. (See image below)
  4. I love that everyone you meet is your “best friend.”
  5. I love that you are so obsessed with the green tractor at daycare (that you have named Frankie) that you ask God to look after him when you say a prayer each night.

Lily:

  1. I love that you are so happy go lucky.
  2. I love that you are SO affectionate and generous with your kisses and cuddles.
  3. I love that you are infatuated with your brother and want to do everything he does, even though he’s not that keen on you.
  4. I love that you are a dare devil and will attempt anything. No slide is too high for you.
  5. I love the way you love the ocean. Although I must remind you, you can’t actually swim yet, even if you think you can.

Evie:

  1. I LOVE that you sleep through the night, every night.
  2. I love that you want to be by my side, ALL THE TIME. It’s nice to be wanted, ALL THE TIME.
  3. I love the way you wave and blow kisses to complete strangers making them smile.
  4. I love the way you LOVE our dog Daisy and shower her with cuddles and feed her all your food.
  5. I love your cheeky nature, you have the cheekiest face and are always up to something clever. Like accidentally taking selfies on mummy’s phone.

If you like this story why not check out more of my blog by clicking HERE!

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I am not superwoman.

I am not Superwoman….

In the interest of full disclosure I would like to make it perfectly clear to everyone that I am not superwoman. I may often try to be. Some of my blog posts may even convince you that for at least a part of the day I don a cape and achieve super human things, but the truth is I am just a normal mum trying to get through every day and daring to sometimes even try to make each day wonderful.

I have always had the fear that by reading only snippets of my blog (which is only a snippet of my life) people may get an unrealistic view of what motherhood and life with 3 small children is really like sometimes. Looking back over my blog it could be seen as all roses and freshly baked treats. The reality is it’s sometimes not so glam. Today was one of ‘those’ days, so I would like to give you a blow by blow account of the last 24 or so hours of my life….the highs and the LOWS.

6.15 am

Woke to sounds of twins playing in cots. Was thrilled that they had slept through the night and had a “sleep in.” In the last 2 weeks I have witnessed the sunrise on far too many occasions.

8.15 am

Dropped son at daycare and twins with my mother and went to personal training with my husband, we follow this up with breakfast out (huge treat for us).

10 am

Had thought: “This has been such a wonderful day…” (Forgot to touch wood). Daycare called to say we have forgotten sons lunch. Drove to shop, bought new lunch. Dropped lunch at daycare, raced home and ran out of time to do any actual “work.”

11 am

Collected twins and discovered they had only slept for 30 minutes instead of usual 1.5 hours. Found out there may be a problem with the dates of the trip we have just booked for me and my husband to go to New York and celebrate my 30th. Spent next half hour on phone with airline trying to re-negotiate dates (unsuccessfully) with 2 over tired babies hanging off me.

12.30 pm

Tried to feed overtired babies with lunch, ended in a bath for me and the kids. Sat in the bath for 20 minutes trying to remove avocado from their (and my) hair, eventually gave up and promised myself I will wash my hair later.

2.30 pm

Tried to put overtired babies down for afternoon nap, gave up after 45 min of screaming. Spent next hours trying to entertain overtired babies.

3.30 pm

Collected son from daycare with overtired twins in car. Collected babysitter (thank god).

6.30 pm

After getting all three kids fed, bathed and dressed in record time I managed to sneak in 15 min to get myself ready and jumped in the car with my girlfriends looking forward to celebrating my friends hen’s night (forgetting about my promise to myself to wash my hair). Cleverly I had booked the babysitter to sleep over so I could “let my [avocado] hair down”, stay out late, have a few drinks and possibly have a tiny sleep in!

8.30 pm

Text from babysitter to say kids are all asleep, but husband is stuck at work, still not home.

10.30 pm

Dancing with friends, 3rd cocktail in hand (hooray).

11.30 pm

Just finished 4th Cocktail- text to say both babies are up – have vomited and are screaming. Cue TAXI!

12.05 am

Arrive home to find babies and now babysitter vomiting. Spend next hour administering meds and fluids and rinsing chunks of vomit out of bedding and clothing.

1.30 am

Curl up in bed, smelling like vomit.

1.35 am

Get up again and shower.

2.30 am

Babysitter is still vomiting and decides to get her mum to collect her.

5.30 am

kids wake up…. which means I do too (well kinda).

6.00 am

While making breakfast I notice some water dripping on my foot, open cupboard under sink to find it completely flooded. Cue plumber.

8 am

Get all three kids in car to take son to daycare only to realise keys are in babysitters hand bag a 15 minute driveway, no spare. STRANDED….. FAIL.

Yep, I am not superwoman.

If you would like to read more of my blog click HERE.

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Expecting Twins: “Oh my GOD, there’s two!”

Expecting Twins:

Here is the story of how I found out I was expecting twins. Ask any twin mum and they will be able to recount the moment they found out like it was yesterday. My girls are now 9 months old yet this moment in time feels like it was only days ago. Please excuse the four letter words but I wanted to be 100% honest about how this went down.

“OH MY GOD, THERE’S TWO!”

20 seconds into my 8 week ultrasound these were the 5 words myhusband BLURTED out that changed my life forever….

Husband: “There are 2 right?” (Side note: My husband is a doctor)

Me: “WHAT?”

Sonographer: “Ah, yes, that’d be twins.”

Me: “WHAT?”

Husband: “Holy shit, it’s twins.”

Me: “WHAT?” (Internal voice: “Stop saying what. Say something else.”)

Sonoggraher: “Congratulations, two nice strong heart beats.”

Me: “Oh my god.” (Internal voice- “HOLY SHIT, OH MY GOD, NO, WHAT, WAIT, HOW? NO. WAIT- DONT SWEAR OUT LOUD, YOU’LL REMEMBER HOW YOU REACTED TO THIS MOMENT FOREVER. SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!”)

Husband: “We’re going to need a new car.”

Me: (After about 10 deep breaths) “Poor Charlie. He has no idea how his life is about to change…” (Internal voice: “My life is over, I am going to die, bugger that I am going to be a whale this can’t be happening…BREATHE IDIOT!”)

Husband: “We are going to be BUSY!” (With HUGE grin)

Me: “I am going to be HUGE…”

Me: (After another 10 deep breaths) “Oh well, at least I know why I have been so sick…..”

This s followed by random fits of giggling and awkward silences as the penny (or pennies in our case) drop.

Shell shocked we left the scan and couldn’t find the will to get in the car. Instead we sat in the park across the road and called our families. Reactions ranged from screaming and crying, to utter disbelief.

A few of my favourites:

“SHUT UP!”

“NO FREAKING WAY”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

“OH DEAR GOD- YOU POOR THING”

Most people just burst out laughing, the fact that I know they are laughing at me, not with me, makes it a bit disconcerting. I can see the “Oh, shit! You are so screwed…” hidden behind the laugh. I am definitely not up to laughing about this just yet.

One person who didn’t laugh was our nanny….

Twins run in our families. My husband Matt is an identical twin and my grandmother is a non identical twin (so this is all her fault). My great aunt also had twins. So in many ways the fact that I am now expecting twins is not completely unexpected. I had often told people that I was aware I had an increased risk of having twins. In fact, I had even pulled a prank on my parents after my first 12 week scan when I was pregnant with Charlie and said I was expecting twins. Letting them freak out for about 5 minutes before admitting I was joking…. seems the jokes on me now.

Thankfully we are surrounded by great support and good examples. Two of our best friends have twins and are already proving to be incredible sources of information. I know that together Matt and I will not only face the challenge of 3 kids under 3, but we’ll LOVE it.

And now the big question…. Boys? Girls? Boy and Girl?

Of course you all know how the story ends, we were blessed with two beautiful little girls and life, although a lot busier, has never been better.

So if you are expecting twins let me offer you three pieces of advice:

1. Breathe. (Then join the Australian Multiple Birth Association)

2. Ask for help… even if you think you don’t need it.

3. Don’t be scared, you are stronger than you think!

If you want to read more about our adventures as a family of 5 click here!

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Letters to my daughters: Dear L + E

Letters to my daughters:

Before Charlie was even born I begun writing him letters, I have continued this tradition by writing letters to my daughters.This week the twins are 8 months old… I can’t believe how time has flown. Where has the time gone? Where did those fragile little babies go and who are these rambunctious little ladies who have replaced them?  It feels like just yesterday that we were bringing them home from the hospital…..I sat down today to take a moment and reminisce just what that day felt like. I wrote this to commemorate the day…

Dear Lily and Evie,

Today you are 3 weeks old.

You arrived a little early at 35 weeks and 2 days (much to mummy’s relief) and have therefore spent the first few weeks of your life in the special care nursery learning to suck and getting nice and chubby.

Today is a big day, today we get to take you home and start our lives together. So far it has almost felt as though we have been “pretend parents,” handing you back at the end of each day and asking permission to do just about anything. But that all ends today and I guarantee life in our household will never be the same again.

Although we are only just getting to know you. A few things are already clear.

Lily, you got this party started, it was your waters that broke. It seems fitting then that although 1 minute older and yet smaller than your sister, you are louder and seem more determined and feisty. After every feed you make a hilarious grunting noise (akin to a bleating goat!) and love to purse you lips, often making yourself bright red. I think you look just like your Daddy, and funnily enough you have his blood type.

Evie, you are a relaxed little soul. You are the queen of facial expressions and burping. There is debate as to who you look like, Aunty Jene Marie perhaps? Your cousin Hannah? I see similarities to Charlie when he was born. You have my blood type and a birthmark on your left leg, in the exact same spot as your Daddy. Calm and inquisitive you will happily laze around taking in the world.  You find Lily and her squeaks particularly interesting and watch her closely during every feed. She on the other hand hardly seems to notice you, except of course when it comes to spooning. No matter where we put you in the cot you always find each other and snuggle in. There is nothing more beautiful than seeing the two of you soothe each other and fall asleep in each others arms. The only problem with this is when you are hungry… each of you have been seen sucking on your sister’s arm, nose and or head, something that has had your Daddy and I in stitches.

You big brother is yet to figure out what you two are all about. He is far more interested in watching the planes out the hospital window, than in you. When he does pay his “sissers” a bit of attention it is usually to tell me to “put in cot.” I am sure that once we have you home he will fall just as in love with you as we are.

I have to be honest and tell you that when your Daddy first blurted out…”Oh my God there’s two!” I was scared. Scared I wouldn’t be able to be bring you into this world safely, scared I wouldn’t be able to manage being your Mummy. Now that you are here I see that there is no place for fear. Your Daddy and I will just do what we’ve always done… our best. When I think about your future now I am filled with excitement and happiness. You will be the most loved little ladies in the world, your lives will be extraordinary, the possibilities are endless…So welcome to the world my beautiful girls.

xxxx Love from your mummy

P.S This is a promise to continue to write letters to my daughters every year and hand you both 21 letters on your 21st birthday!

If you can find 2 minutes in your day, try writing your child a letter. It will be something they will treasure forever.

If you liked this post why not check out some of my others?? CLICK HERE!

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Parenting fail #167- Baby Eats Poo

Parenting fails come in all shapes sizes and varieties. Today I have been reminiscing about some of my all time WORST parenting fail moments…. this has to be one of my best and will no doubt make up part of my speech at Charlie’s 21st birthday.

There were 2 important life events that came together to make this very special (and disgusting) moment happen:

1- Charlie discovered his private parts, and like all little boys was pretty impressed with himself. (Life would never be the same again).

2 -Matt taught Charlie to dip his finger into tomato sauce and suck it off with lip smacking satisfaction. Charlie had been eating his first ever meat pie with sauce.

Unfortunately the following day these 2 things intersected in an ill-fated nappy change disaster.

As soon as I undid his nappy Charlie’s legs went up and his hands went down!!

I of course freaked when I saw that he had just puts his hands into a sloppy yellow/brown poo and was now squelching it in between his fingers with glee. I scrambled for the wipes but I should have grabbed for his hands rather than the wipes. I just wasn’t fast enough! A split second later Charlie had his first taste of poo- with lip smacking satisfaction!

I like any horrified parent I reacted with a fair amount of gagging and squealing. I didn’t know what to do? Running away screaming came to mind, hosing him off in the garden and throwing him in the shower did too? In the end I managed to pin both of this little hands in one of mine and race into the shower and spray him down.

The funny thing about a major parenting fail moment is that you often learn a lot from the experience, I learnt I’ll never look at a meat pie with tomato sauce the same way.

If you would like to read about some of my other parenting fails click here.

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Advice for Mothers to be: The sky isn’t falling…

Advice for Mothers to be: The sky isn’t falling!

When I found out I was having twins I felt a bit like chicken little. I had been happily enjoying life and looking forward to the future when life dropped an acorn on my head and I became convinced the sky was falling.

During those first few months of pregnancy I was terrified of what life with 3 under 3 would be like. As I began to wrap my head around the idea- by making plans and writing lists (that’s how I deal with just about everything and anything) strangers began approaching me and my husband with super helpful advice for the mother to be, like-

“TWINS! Wow, you think you’re tired now, wait till they get here!”

And

“Three under three….? How on earth will you cope?”

“I don’t know!?!?!” I wanted to scream! I had to hold back the crazy hormonally charged pregnant lady in my head who was begging me to punch these people in the face and rather smile sweetly and thank them for their completely useless “comments”. Oh sorry, “helpful advice”.

My pregnancy was not without drama. I found twin pregnancy to be emotionally and physically draining. By the time I got to the 3rd trimester I was a bit of a mess. Every time I went out in public I attracted an abnormal amount of attention, I had become a bit of a freak show and people were lining up to watch.  Tears and irrational fears were a daily occurrence.

The funny thing is that once the twins arrived I realised that things really weren’t as bad as I had allowed myself to imagine. In fact, with lots of wonderful help I have managed to not only cope but to really enjoy my 3 under 3 and even still have time for a few nights out!  It turns out the sky isn’t falling at all, in fact it’s a stunning blue and the sun is shinning! Ok so I might have spent some of my time in the past few months exhausted and covered in puke, and there have definitely been moments were I have wondered if the hospital has a returns policy? But I’ve spent more time enjoying cuddles, smiles and milestones and even had some time to do the things I love to do. I do however have 1 bit of advice for Mothers to be: ignore all advice and go with your gut!

My first cuddle with both of my girls.

Update: a week after writing this I felt like the sky actually did fall… My beautiful mother, the matriarchal rock of our family was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. Although we are confident that she will eventually beat this challenge it looks like our family has a tough year ahead. The moral of the story? Enjoy every minute of sunshine that life offers you, you never know when the next storm is brewing.

Mum halfway through her treatment and rocking the bald kaftan look!

If you would like more advice for mothers to check out more of my baby blog by clicking HERE.

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Life on Instagram

Life On Instagram | Remember No One Takes Photos At Funerals

I was flicking through my Instagram history recently and thought “Holy hell! My life on Instagram looks so awesome!” If you knew me only through Instagram you would think I was always well dressed, always wore makeup and of course that I am much skinnier than I am (I’d never post a pic from a fat angle!?!?). You would also think that I always ate and cooked amazing food and did incredibly fun things with my family and friends every day. Here’s a little secret: MY LIFE ISN’T AS GOOD AS THIS ALL.THE.TIME.

I spend most of my time in gym gear, hardly wear makeup and am NOT as skinny as I look in Instagram. I also love biscuits and take out, and can spend days at a time doing absolutely nothing of interest whatsoever, with my kids bored out of their little minds. I am not actually trying to fool anyone into thinking I am fabulous, in fact, I am not scared of posting the odd pic of myself covered in vomit now and then. But this got me to thinking; why are our Instagram and Facebook lives a fairytale version of our real lives? I don’t think anyone is doing this on purpose, it’s just the way we are made, a built in coping mechanism, I guess. We cherish, remember, commemorate and share the good times and forget the forgettable times. As for the bad times, we do our best to learn from and dismiss them. This is why no one takes photos at funerals… So from now on I am going to look at everyones life on Instagram and Facebook as a kind of vision board for the lives we all wished we lived everyday. Because lets be honest, if we actually posted pics of the ‘everyday us’ everyday, it wouldn’t be quite as glamerous and interesting to watch. In fact it’d be downright boring. The moral of the story: next time you are sitting at home scrolling through Facebook or Instagram marvelling at others fabulousness and wondering why your life doesn’t measure up, remember: gym gear, take out, love handles, boring.

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Kids Play Centres

Kids Play Centres | I Am Not Your Babysitter!

I love kids play centres. Ball pits, slides, dress ups, ride on cars and plenty of other kids to play with. On rainy days you can guarantee this is where Charlie and I will be. There is only 1 thing that drives me mad about these places: mothers that use unwilling strangers as babysitters.

Taking a child to a kids play centre, dropping them into the play area and parking your self in the back corner of the cafe and burying your head in your laptop is not ok. I have become an unwilling babysitter on several occasions but recently I was forced to not only supervise a strangers child but discipline them. For me this crossed a line. The child in question was clearly too old for the environment and bored stiff. So he made his fun terrorizing smaller children. Other mothers stood guarding their own children and alternated between glaring at the offending child and searching the surrounds for the mother of this child.

Leaving a trail of crying kids behind him, this little terror made the mistake of hurting the small girl my son was playing with. I knelt down to his level and told him off. He screamed in my face and threw the block he was holding at me. Another mother stepped in and she got slapped by the child. We both stood in shock…. that was it! I told the kid we were going to find his mum…. As I stormed off, his mother finally glanced up from her computer. Unfazed she ignored my attempt at an explanation of his behavior and said nothing other than: ‘€œLets go sweety…’€ Shooting me a rather nasty look. Steam coming from my ears I went back to playing with my son, wishing I’€™d said something smart like ‘€œHey lady, where’€™s my $20? I’€™ve just been babysitting your kid for the last hour?” I had been so gob-smaked by her lack of interest that I stood there mute… Several mum’€™s came over and congratulated me on trying to discipline the child, which made me feel slightly better. Apparently the mum had been there working on her computer for hours and the child had been removed by the staff at the centre twice for bad behaviour.

At first I had been so angry at the child, then I just felt sorry for him….. Once the adrenaline wore off I actually started feeling really bad. Had I crossed the line? Should I have ignored the child- just like his mother had? I know that if my child was hurting other children and I was unaware I would want another mother to step in, but I know other mum’€™s may disagree? So where to draw the line? Any suggestions mumma’€™s? Have you ever faced this akward situation when at a kids play centre? What do you think the etiquette should be for supervision and discipline at kids play centres?

I hope you enjoyed this post on kids play centres! You can see more of my posts HERE

 

 

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Parenting Fail #237 | Golden Nuggets

Parenting Fail #237

Kids and poo. Ask any parent and they will tell you they go hand in hand. I am yet to meet a parent that doesn’t have at least a dozen kid / poo related horror stories. Yet, I seem to have more than most…

Hanging out at my Mum’s place when Charlie was a baby I made the ever stupid decision to give Charlie 10 minutes of nappy free time post nappy change. Leaving him to happily play with Mum for 1 minute whilst I threw out the wet nappy, I was distracted by my mobile phone ringing.

5 minutes later the scene I returned to was something I’ll never forget.

Charlie had strolled through Mum’s living room leaving little golden nuggets in a trail behind him like a lost hiker leaving crumbs. Mum’s ever faithful dog must have been on the same train of thought – he followed behind Charlie eating each one of these little nuggets with delight, whilst Mum stood puking into a by-standing pot plant. Charlie stood, nude from the waist down, smiling up at me proud as punch, unaware of the fuss he had just caused. I surveyed the scene and did what any great parent would do… I burst out laughing and couldn’t stop. Needless to say no one wants to kiss the dog anymore.

Huge parenting fail.

I hope you enjoyed this post on my parenting fail! You can see more of my posts HERE

Sam xx

 

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